From Mother to Daughter

I can do all things through him who gives me strength. Phil 4:13

October 27th is a surreal day for me because on October 27th, 2006 my mom died. It’s been 15 years ago tonight. I remember it like it was yesterday. She had been on hospice due to complications of MS. She was diagnosed with MS in 1980, before the advances in medical care, so this disease took so much from her; her home, her independence, and her dignity. She lived in a Nursing home for 15 years after being cared for at home for several years. She relied on others to help her eat, bath her, dress her, clean her. But, there are some things this debilitating disease did not take from her; her love for her family, her beautiful smile, her compassion for others, and her faith in God. Towards the end she suffered immensely and was in tremendous pain. She NEVER complained. She would just smile and ask people how their day was going. She is still the most selfless person I have every known. She kept her Bible on her lap or bedside table at all times. Her favorites verse was “I can do all things through Himwho gives me strength,” Philippians 4:13. We had it placed on her grave marker because this was her Mantra through her suffering.

If you knew my mom, you knew she didn’t worry about anything. Her catch phrase was, “Que será, será, whatever will be, will be.” I can’t hear or think about the Doris Day song without thinking of her. My son has inherited this laid back attitude. My daughter has inherited her smile and middle name. Physically, she was beautiful. And, I don’t mean in the way all little kids think their mom is the most beautiful woman in the world. She was really beautiful. But spiritually, she was breath-taking. She loved Jesus and completely trusted him despite her circumstances.

I’m not going to lie. I wish she was here with me today; like a little girl looking for her Mama. I wish she was with me throughout my separation, divorce and now my new life as a single woman. She would’ve understood. She would’ve been my rock, my stability and my voice of reason without judging or diagnosing me. When people where pointing me in harmful directions, I believe she would’ve been my rational anchor. Yes, my dad was there and was all of those things too. I’m grateful to have had him during this time. My mom, though, was unique. She wasn’t perfect. She loved junk food and ate a lot of it. She kept her youthful figure despite this by playing tennis. She loved to drink Fresca and Sanka coffee. She was the typical mom of the 1970s with her teased “frosted” hair. We lived in Hawaii for years so she seemed to wear the sample purple muumuu everyday.

The day she died I learned what grief really meant. I had already lost grandparents but losing a parent is different, even when death meant the end to their suffering on this earth. I can’t imagine causing this suffering or death. But that is what God did when his plan included his son’s death on the cross. Jesus suffered and died at my expense. It is my only hope of salvation. My mom believed this with all of her heart. She could’ve felt sorry for herself and been angry with God for her circumstances. She would’ve had a reason to. I don’t know anyone else who could’ve stayed in the same bed within the same four walls for 15 years and smiled so beautifully when someone came into the room. She was the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman. She was more valuable than rubies. She kept her eye on the prize: an eternal life with Jesus in Heaven. She was her own ministry.

I don’t have my mom here with me on earth. I don’t have my dad on this earth either. But they left me with my spiritual foundation that will carry me the rest of my life. When I feel like I’m suffering needlessly or having a pity party because life has not turned out as I thought it would, I will need to remember my beautiful mother, Beverly Ann. I will remember her love and trust in Jesus. I will remember that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can’t think of any better legacy a Mother can leave for her daughter.