I’ve Got Joy In My Heart

August 31, 2021

Psalm 98:1-2

My life has been an emotional roller coaster the past few weeks.  I’ve only had the energy to make it through the day most days.  I spent five days visiting with family only to have two emotional breakdowns during those days.  I was so happy to see family and for my kids and I to take our yearly family vacation.  We had been anticipating and looking forward to the trip for months.  I still don’t know why I was so emotional.  Maybe it was a combination of things.  It could’ve been it was the first time I had seen my sister since my dad passed away at Thanksgiving.  It could’ve been I didn’t get to spend any one-on-one time with her.  It could’ve been I was still processing some disturbing news I had received via a series of unexpected text messages.   Maybe it was a combination of these things as well as other situations going on in my life. 

Whatever brought on these emotions does not matter in the big picture of life.  What matters is the fact that I was pulling away from God.  I still talked with God, prayed and read my Bible but I was no longer feeling his presence.   I was emotionally exhausted.   I didn’t want to write.  I didn’t want to take my evening walks and listen to my Christian music playlist.  I felt like God was helping others achieve their goals but not mine.  I realize this is very irrational.  I realize God never pulled away from me.  I also realize God does have plans for me.  Satan seriously knows when to attack and he knows which buttons to push on me. 

Part of my Bible study each morning is a study written by one of our ministers at church.  It is called A Spiritual Journey.  Each week focuses on a different topic related to becoming closer to God.  This week’s topic is on “Rejoicing.”  Each week there are Readings for Reflection on each topic.  This morning one of the readings struck me:  It was on Joy.   Here are some quotes from Henri J. M. Nouwen’s book From Here and Now:

“We are inclined to think that when we are sad we cannot be glad, but in the life of a God-centered person, sorrow and joy can exist together.”  

“Joy does not happen to us.  We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

Wow.  That hit me hard.  Like a ton of bricks. 

The Psalmist in Psalm 98 says in verse 1:

“Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things”

God has done marvelous things for me.  Really marvelous things.  He brought me through the ultimate storm of life.  He has brought people into my life at the exact time I needed them.  He brought me to a new home that I love.  He has provided for me.  I have stayed employed throughout the pandemic.  He has protected me on the Dallas freeways.  He has comforted me when I was and still hurt deeply.  The list goes on.  How can I not feel Joy? 

I know I will continue to have low periods.  Times of spiritual warfare will still wreak havoc with me.  I’ve been told that is part of my healing journey.   I will continue to have low times for a while.  I do know that my low times are usually not as low or as intense as they used to be.  That shows I am healing.  But Satan still likes to creep in and always when I’m low or perhaps that is why I have my down times.  Satan is the culprit.  He is sneaky and cunning, and I really hate it. 

This morning during my prayer time I asked the Holy Spirit to speak to me through scripture.  I opened my Bible to Zephaniah 3:17. It’s one of my favorites and the Holy Spirit has led me to this verse on more than one occasion.

The Lord your God is with you, the Might Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you, in his love he will no longer rebuke you but will rejoice over you with singing.

God knows my heart.  He hears my laments.  He knows Satan likes to pick on me.  But I am fighting back to the relationship I previously had with God.  I know I will hurt.  That is part of being human.  But I will trust God despite the hurt. I will continue to seek Joy because tomorrow is a new day, a new song.