August 8, 2021
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world. but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”
Romans 12:2
I am a very transparent person. What you see if what you get. I wear my heart on my sleeve, as the old expression goes. I am not a person who uses Facebook or Instagram to construct a perfect life. I don’t use filters, although at my age, I probably should. Part of my transparency is sharing struggles I face. Right now, I am struggling with Stillness. My brain is on overdrive… constantly. My prayer time is a struggle because my mind wanders. I can’t seem to find the stillness right now. This has been a struggle that dates back to when I first became separated, then divorced. This started when I started seeking God, to really know God personally.
I live in the Dallas area. My drive to work is on a major freeway that is under construction to make it even bigger. It is dangerous to drive. Every day the lanes are moved, and they are not in a straight line. If I drive it when the sun is shining brightly, you can’t see the lane lines. It can be treacherous at times. Just this morning I was on the way to work as usual. I decided to listen to a playlist I have of healing songs rather than my usual Air1 radio because I was trying to stay centered on God. On my commute, an 18-wheeler started into my lane. I don’t know if it was intentional. His blinker was not on. I had nowhere to go to get out of the way. There was a truck next to me in the other lane and they were against a concrete wall. It was terrifying. But, then all of a sudden, the truck moved back into their own lane, and I was spared, with a rapidly beating heart. I believe God saved me from potential catastrophe. I realized when it was all over, I was listening to Symphony by Switch:
Sometimes it’s hard to breathe All these thoughts they shout at me Try to bring me to my knees And it’s overwhelming Darkness echoes all around Feels like everything is crashing down Still I know where my hope is found And its only You
I need to continue to search for this stillness, to look to my hope: Jesus. For me, stillness in God’s presence is the Holiness I want to achieve. I have a place I go to every morning with my Bible, my current study guide, my scripture journal and my coffee. The only company I have is my Aussie and occasionally 2 black cats. I purposely go to this space because I feel connected with God. It’s my covered patio I recently finished. I give God the glory for this special place. That is why I feel connected to Him there. I have minimal distractions, only my dog that wants me to pet him and my own mind. I have been practicing stillness and disengaging for some time, but I still struggle. Thoughts race through my head while I’m trying to read scripture, pray and meditate on God’s presence. How do I slow this down? I know God is in control of everything, including time, of which I always feel I don’t have enough. My thoughts shift to issues with my kids, something that needs to be done in the house, things I need to do at work, getting my book read for Book Club, how I almost had a major accident on the highway, and the list continues.
This past Sunday, the preacher at my church started a new series; “Out of Your Mind, Breaking the Strongholds of Toxic Thinking.” How timely for me! My distractions have become toxic. He quoted Richard Foster, “Distraction is the primary spiritual problem of our day.” So, it’s not just me! Our society is inundated with distractions. A friend shared his thoughts on John 6:12 with me this week: “On those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray and spent the night praying to God.” Jesus had just had a run in with the Pharisees, he was in high demand as people wanted to hear him teach, and his disciples needed his guidance. Yet, Jesus sought God and spent the night praying. If it was important for Jesus to seek God, then it is crucial for me!
In Romans 12:2, Paul is talking about the renewing of the mind and not conforming to the ways of the world. Through the Holy Spirit, I can be renewed. I can find the peace in the madness, a symphony from the chaos as Switch sings about in the song Symphony. The Psalmist David wrote of God making him lie in green pastures, leading him beside quiet waters and restoring his soul in Psalm 23. God can restore my soul; he will lead me to quiet waters he can renew my mind, he can write my symphony. I must learn to be STILL.
Beauty from Pain 