July 8, 2021
I Am Worth Far More Than Rubies
She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs at the days to come.
Proverbs 31.25
I remember sitting in church on my first Mother’s Day when my now 20-year-old son was just a few months old. The preacher preached from Proverbs 31. I grew up going to church but did not know the Bible very well at that time. I was greatly offended by the lesson. I remember thinking, “This is impossible! I’ll never be able to do all of that.” I felt like a bad wife that day, like I had not been doing enough. I did not really come to love the scripture titled, The Wife of Noble Character, until just recently. Ironically, it after I was no longer a wife. Verse 10 starts the Epilogue with “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” But what if I am not a wife anymore? What is my worth? I was married for most of my adult life, starting at age 19. That was my identity. I didn’t know any different.
At the time of separation, 4 years ago, I thought I would move from my very long-term marriage right into another relationship once my divorce was final. I was looking for someone to save me and make my happy again. My worth, in my head, was being someone’s wife. I’ve had 4 years of separation with 3 being divorced to unpack this with my pastoral counselor. There have many tears shed and a very broken heart in the process. No earthly love story for me, at least not so far. To be honest, I’m even a little apprehensive about it now because I don’t think I could stand another broken heart.
But instead, I have found another type of love story. In this story I won’t have a broken heart. Just a heart full of love – for Jesus. Jesus loves me like no man possibly could. He has been my comforter, my strength, my protector and my provider. He loves me unconditionally and keeps his promises. To Jesus I AM worth far more than rubies!
Proverbs 31 is more than a checklist for what a wife and mother should be doing. It gives me a sense of direction, even as a single woman. Over my bed I have 3 pictures I had made. They are very simple with a white background and cursive writing. They hang side by side. The first one is “SHE opens HER arms to the poor and extends her HANDS to the needy. Prov 31:20.” The second one is “SHE is CLOTHED with STRENGTH and DIGNITY, and SHE LAUGHS with fear of the FUTURE. Prov 31:25.” The third one says. “SHE opens her mouth with WISDOM and the TEACHING of KINDNESS is on her tongue. Prov 31:26.” I went from being highly offended to looking at these verses every time I walk into my bedroom! The difference now is I have a better understanding of God’s love for me and what my worth is based on. My worth is doing God’s work by helping people in need. It is worth far more than my once youthful face and figure that are now aging. My worth is praying for others, whether it’s my family, friends, patients or complete strangers. It is worth far more than wearing the trendiest fashions. My worth is being a faithful Christian example to my kids. It’s worth far more than driving a fancy car instead of my cute little Ford Edge. The lists go on and on.
This morning, during my morning Bible reading, I read from Hosea. Hosea obeyed God and married Gomer who became an adulterous women and wife. And Hosea took her back. He loved her despite her sins. This is such an example of unconditional love as well as being obedient to God. God still loves me despite my sins! What more could I ask for than this unconditional, agape love?
I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know if I will have an earthly love story, but I do know that God provides love, protection, provision, and so much more. I’ve learned I can make it through life now without a husband, but I can’t make it through life without God’s protection, Jesus’ immense love, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance.
Beauty from Pain 